Swan Song

07 Mar

A while ago, in this post, I spoke about the possibility of no longer blogging.

I’ve made my decision, and, ironically, it actually has nothing to do with the concerns I had (who do I blog for, why do I blog, what do i blog about, etc).

I’ve realized that everything I’ve been feeling stems from the fact that I’m no longer happy, with myself and in myself. To be entirely honest, I’m that kind of guy that struggles to be happy, and if something makes me happy I cling to it. The blogging made me happy – I was reading awesome books, getting to know other bloggers, building a relationship with publishers, becoming part of a wonderful community- but when I wasn’t blogging or reading or even writing then I wasn’t happy. The world was easier to deal with when I was doing all these things, you know? I understood these things.

Well, when started struggling with the blog I should have realized then that it was indication of other, more important problems.

I’ve realized that I’m lost, and that I’m *only* happy when I’m doing something that has to do with books, but my problems have now grown to such a degree that they’re impacting what I love doing. Basically, me being unhappy caused me to reach out to easier aspects of life that would had always made me happy and I expected to stay happy and content with life if I did things that made me happy. But life doesn’t work that way, I’ve realized.

Because if being happy means that you have to pay a price somewhere else, then something has to change.

And I’ve decided that if I’m *ever* going to happy, or have a chance of being really, truly happy one day, then I have to make some drastic changes. As things stand now, me blogging and reading and writing as much as I do has damaged my personal relationships. I just haven’t been paying attention to my life and now it’s a mess, even financially.

I don’t want to stop blogging – in fact, I actually realized what I had to do to make blogging fun again, but I won’t have a choice. I need to become financially stable, and that means cutting costs wherever I can. That means:

no more internet: I can go and get my license with that extra money so that I can get a job that pays more.

no more books / comics / hobbies: These things also cost money, and they’re part of the problem. Once I get my life sorted, though, sure, I’ll go back to them, but at the moment I just can’t afford them.

I need to reach more balance financially because I also need to find a new place to stay – things will be much more expensive and I won’t be able to afford internet access at all.

I need to make these drastic changes because they’ve been building and building to such an extent that I’m literally lost and I don’t know where to turn. I can’t afford anything because I spend all my money on things I don’t actually need, and consequently I can’t even pay off my debts, and so I’ve also decided that have to go for debt-counseling. It’s that hectic.

The last thing I wanted to do is unload all this personal shit on everyone, but lately people expect actual explanations and not just announcements; and besides, everyone that’s taken the time to read my reviews and comment on what I post deserves that honesty from me. For the first time I’m actually being honest with myself, and if it’s something you don’t understand that that’s fine and not a problem. But I have to deal with all of this because it’s ended up becoming that beast that you hope will go away if you don’t pay it any attention.

I realize that I’ve agreed to reviewing many, many books that I haven’t gotten around to yet, and all I can say is that I’m sorry. I truly am. I will be reading those books but instead of a review those authors will get emails from me; that, at least, I can manage and can afford. But since I can’t promise reviews (or, can’t promise those reviews until I’ve at least dealt with this mess I’ve made of my life) I will happily post back any of the books I’ve received from authors. It’s the least I can do, since all of you have spent money to get the books to me, and since my personal problems are not your problems. If you do want me to post the books back to you, please send me an email and we can get that arranged.

The many, many books I have will have to go, too – I’m pretty much absolutely sure that whatever new place I find to live in, it won’t be big enough for all the books. So I’ll be inviting some friends over to pick books for themselves and will donate what remains to my local library. It breaks my heart to have to give the books away, but I don’t have any other choice since there just won’t be any room for them wherever I’ll be staying.

Anyway, I’ll keep this blog up, so people can still check out the reviews and interviews and such, but there won’t be any new content from April onwards. I will come back to the blog some day, in fact I really hope to, since I love it and am very proud of it, but the fact of the matter is that the blog can’t pay my debt or buy groceries or get me my driving license. It’s that simple.

I’m really sorry guys, girls, but I truly have to do this. I’ll be back, hopefully soon, but until then, this is me saying thank you for the almost 3 years of support and for making this SA SFF fan feel so welcome in this awesome community; I’ll be back, someday, to reclaim the blog and get it going again, I promise. But right now, distancing myself from it and many other things in my life is the only way to find that balance again.

I thought I’d let you listen to this song – perhaps it’ll help you to understand what I’m going through and what I need to do. Anyway, here it is:

As always, don’t ever stop BEING EPIC. You guys and girls all rock!


Posted by on March 7, 2011 in Announcements


19 responses to “Swan Song

  1. Mark

    March 7, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    Dude, you are awesome, don’t forget that. You’ll be missed!

  2. sandra_nz

    March 7, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    Wishing you all the best, and don’t forget to make use of your local library! We couldn’t afford to buy books when I was a kid growing up but we all made use of our local library and had a very book-rich upbringing as a result. 🙂

  3. John

    March 7, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    best of luck for the future and all new endeavours. Your insights and reviews will be missed.

  4. Seak (Bryce)

    March 7, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    Sorry to see you go. I’ve loved the blog since I found it about a year ago. Thanks for all your hard work. Also, thanks for posting this very honest piece. It sheds some light on some of my own feelings of late.

    Take care, and don’t be stranger.

  5. Amvri Rowles

    March 7, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    Dave, it is sad to know that you are going through a difficult time in your life. I’m very sorry to read about all of this. I pray that you will sort all of it out soon. It is good that are going for debt counselling. But I would also encourage you to get counselling on depression. Better to take an anti depressant and see it as a vitamin to keep you from getting depressed. I took it as a pre-caution some years ago, when I’ve been through an extremely difficult time. You can stop once you have a hold on your life again. How many books do you have? Don’t give it away yet. I might have a place where you can store it – no cost. Call me if you are interested.
    Kind Regards

  6. Dave-Brendon de Burgh

    March 7, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    Thank you, everyone. 🙂 You guys have all got me in tears now, so I hope you’re happy! 😉

  7. The Writing Runner

    March 7, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    Hey, really sorry to see you going, especially since I just found your blog! I totally get where you’re coming from, though, and have been there myself over the years. We’ll all be waiting here when you get through the stuff you have to get through. Good luck, and don’t stop pushing forward!

  8. Mieneke

    March 7, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    Dave, I’m so sorry to see you go, even though it is see you in time instead of farewell.
    I second Amvri’s suggestion, as I’ve been there done that. I’ve had to walk away from almost everything and everyone to get myself back on track and it was so hard, but ultimately the best thing I’ve ever done, because it led to all the other good things that I have now. So, I’m rooting for you and remember it’s not so long, it’s see you later! 😉

  9. AlexJCavanaugh

    March 7, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    Really sorry to see you go, but I understand why. I struggle with the happiness thing myself. (Not that I’m unhappy, but I’m not realy happy either – more even keel with no highs or lows.)
    My publisher sent you the book, so just enjoy it.
    Won’t stop following – will just wait for signs of life again.
    Good luck, Dave!

  10. Dave-Brendon de Burgh

    March 8, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    Thank you, guys, I really appreciate your support and thoughts. 🙂 I’m thinking of ways to continue the blog, going forward, but we’;; have to wait and see what happens. 🙂

  11. Mariëtte

    March 9, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    Thanks for all the great work you’ve done 🙂 Hopefully there will be others to help SA Sci Fi and Fantasy along. Looking forward to reading your blog again in future. Are you still at EB? Good luck with everything!

  12. Stephen Zimmer

    March 9, 2011 at 10:27 pm

    Dave, I just saw this note, as I’ve been working on a crazy schedule lately, but I wanted to say I really thank you, and how much I appreciate the fact that you always kept an eye out for the authors on independent/small presses. That meant a great deal to me. You gave authors like myself a chance to be judged on our own merits, and didn’t just brush us off because we didn’t have the right label on the book spine. I have enjoyed our correspondences very much, and I hope that the books you have from me will at least give you some relaxation as you attend to everything. Please hold on to them and enjoy them.

    I personally hope that you do not cease in your own efforts to be a writer, and I hope that things work out so that you can return to blogging on a more manageable level. You are a talented, hard-working guy, and hold fast to your own epic adventure! 🙂

    Please don’t lose touch…you are one of the bright lights in the literary constellation.

  13. ediFanoB

    March 10, 2011 at 12:28 am

    Dave, as always I’m late with my comment. I highly appreciate your honest post.
    It made me sad to read your post. But I understand your decision and I’m sure if you will not start to change it now you will get lost. There is a life beyond internet. But I can’t imagine a life without books. So I imploringly hope you find a place for your books.
    Most important is that you sort out all your problems. I’m sure nobody wants back the books sent to you.
    I will never forget your help to get in contact with Stephen Zimmer and your kind messages.
    Feel free to send me a mail whenever you like. Your blog will remain in my google reader. So I will not miss when your are back some day.
    Fingers crossed and good luck for your future and take care,
    ediFanoB aka Michael

  14. Patrick (YetiStomper)

    March 14, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    Take care Dave. You’ve always been my favorite person to lament the state of the Star Wars EU with. I completely understand where you are coming from and hope you can figure things out sooner rather than later. We can always use quality bloggers like you.

    In the meantime, if you ever need to scratch that blogging itch or just want to talk SW, shoot me a line.

    Best of luck.

  15. Brian Libby

    March 15, 2011 at 5:48 am

    I hope you are able to make a full recovery from these problems and dilemmas. I appreciate the support that you gave to “Storm Approaching.”

  16. John Jarrold

    March 20, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    As always, you have my very best wishes, Dave. Good luck, mate…

  17. gipsika

    April 6, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    Aw man! This is a disaster. I hope you get it sorted out, Dave. You don’t know me because this is the first time I visit your blog – my fault, I was meaning to do it months back; sorry about that! You have a super style as a reviewer! Why did you have to pay to get books for reviews? I always send mine complimentary. It’s the least an author can do.

    Yes, LOL, I came here to ask for reviews for some SciFi novels… was actually directed here by a friend who is a manager at a bookshop. Hanging my head in shame that it took me so long! Very sorry to hear it’s gone this way. I hope you find your way out soon. Do you think maybe you could review for a paper and get paid for what you do so well?

    Btw re finances, been there many times. Don’t feel bad, this is Africa! She catches people that way. The good thing is that she also holds unexpected opportunity, especially for people with lots of spark, like you, so keep the chin up, I have faith you’ll be back on your feet in every way really soon. If you get down, remember there are people who believe in you. Dave you are awesome, and don’t forget that.

  18. Ben

    April 17, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    Hang in there. Take care of yourself and we’ll see you on the other side of all this.


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